Giving children a voice: Why autonomy matters in parenting today
August 20, 2025
Firzana Redzuan reminds parents and educators that real change begins with pausing, asking, and listening to children’s voices.
“Did your teacher ever ask, ‘Do you understand what was taught today?’ Or did your relatives ever wonder what you thought about life?” asked Firzana Redzuan, Founding Director & Strategy and Advocacy Lead of Monsters Among Us, during the Catalysing Change in Our Communities session at The Hasanah Forum on August 15.
“Too often, when we were young, we were told: You’re a child, you’re immature, you lack experience. Unfortunately, many of us pass down these same words to our children, forgetting that they are living life for the very first time,” she explained. Monsters Among Us is a youth-led group that works with children and adults to build happier, safer, healthier, and—most importantly—freer childhoods. The right to say “No” For Firzana, “freedom” means giving children the ability to make informed decisions. “Yes, children can say no to premarital sex. Yes, children can prioritize education over risky behaviours like bullying or sexting. But how do we get there? How do we empower them to decide for themselves instead of simply parroting what adults want?” she asked. While Malaysian law restricts those under 18 from voting or signing contracts, it allows child marriage—a contradiction that highlights the need to rethink children’s participation in decisions. Quoting Professor Laura Laguie: “Children have a right to be included in all matters affecting them. The best way is to simply ask them.” Article 12 of UNCRC: Space, voice, audience, influence Malaysia is a state party to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). Its Article 12 guarantees children the right to have opinions and to be taken seriously. The model for participation breaks down into four steps:
Yet, Firzana notes, parents often see this as “a problem” when in reality children are already facing serious risks online—from harassment to sexting and unsafe relationships. “The question is, do we ban social media, or do we ask them what they think about safety and connections online? Childhoods are in digital spaces now. We must talk about it.” Crisis of agency One major challenge is the crisis of agency. The State of the World Population Report 2025 highlights that nearly 1 in 3 individuals experience unintended pregnancies—yet young people rarely get to shape conversations around sexuality and choice. Boys are told their only value lies in financial contributions. Girls are taught their milestones are marriage and motherhood. Some leave school due to unintended pregnancies while boys continue, under the guise of “protection from shame.” “These definitions are imposed on children,” Firzana emphasized. “But do they even know what they mean? Do they know what it feels like to form their own identity or opinion?” The right to make mistakes Autonomy, she stressed, includes the right to make mistakes. “The evolving capacities principle in UNCRC recognizes that children can make decisions with age-appropriate guidance. Crying, failing, falling, and choosing the ‘wrong’ stream in school are part of learning. Yet we expect perfection while silencing them.” Children are told classrooms are safe spaces, yet judged if they fidget or express frustration. “There is always ‘one right way’ to be,” she said. “But have we asked our children what makes them happy? What makes them laugh?” Moving towards genuine participation The Child and Youth Friendly Governance Project outlines three levels of participation:
Firzana urged parents, teachers, NGOs, and funders to move away from tokenism. “See young people as partners, not just KPIs for reports. Normalize conversations with them as human beings, not extensions of adults.” Perhaps the change begins with something simple: pause, ask, and listen. “If we want children to learn agency, we must create space for them to choose, to fail, to succeed, and to be heard,” Firzana concluded. |
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