A heartfelt journey: Mohd Adli's struggle to accept his autistic son Luqman

May 7, 2019

Healthcaretoday, autism spectrum disorder, Mohd Adli Yahya, Autism Cafe Project, Autism awareness, Autism journey, Special needs parenting, Support for autism, Autism acceptance, Autism community, Autism family, Autism Cafe, Understanding Autism,

(Seated third from left) Mohd Adli Yahya sits proudly with his now 19-year-old son, Luqman, at the Project Haans Autism Awareness program.

As a father, the dream of a perfect family often paints a beautiful picture in our minds. We envision laughter, shared moments, and the simple joys of parenting. However, life doesn’t always follow the script we write in our heads. For many parents of children with autism, the journey can be filled with unexpected challenges, heartache, and ultimately, profound love. This is the story of Mohd Adli Yahya, a father navigating the complexities of raising his son, Luqman, who has autism.

The journey was really unpleasant. My experience was one of rejection—I couldn't accept it. Before I got married, my idea of a family was simple: I just wanted my wife. Then came two children—one boy and one girl. To me, that was the perfect family. I imagined taking my kids to football matches, playing with my son in the backyard—those simple things were all I wanted in life.

“So along came my daughter, who is now 22 and in university. I’m so proud of her. Then my son was born, and my life felt complete. I was very happy. I had a good job, and everything seemed perfect. But about one to two years later, I started noticing something strange about Luqman. When he was born, he appeared perfect—there was nothing wrong physically. But as he grew, I sensed something was off.

At first, I thought he was just an active child, like many others. But then I noticed peculiar habits. For instance, when he was about one and a half years old, he would come home and put his slippers or shoes in his pants. Initially, I thought it was just a quirk, something I could relate to—I can't stand messiness. My wardrobe is meticulously organized, and my office desk is the cleanest you can find, perhaps indicative of a touch of OCD.

The moment I realized something was different
When I saw Luqman displaying those habits, I felt proud, thinking he was just like me. However, things escalated. He skipped crawling, which is often a sign of autism, and his eye contact was fleeting. He had selective hearing; amidst noise, he could zero in on a single conversation. I began to realize that something wasn’t right, especially when he would jump up and down for hours, seemingly without fear.

One day, I did some research online and stumbled upon the term “autism.” My heart shattered. I had wanted a perfect family, and here was this reality I had to confront. At first, I couldn’t accept it. I refused to see doctors because I feared they would confirm my worst fears. Eventually, I brought him to see multiple doctors, and after many consultations, the diagnosis was clear: autism.

Initially, I argued with the doctors. I felt they should focus on helping parents understand and accept autism rather than just diagnosing the child. I struggled to accept Luqman as he was. I treated him like a typical child, expecting him to behave in ways he simply couldn’t. My frustration turned into resentment, and I began to lash out at him. I hated him for not being the son I had envisioned, and in turn, he suffered greatly.

In those dark moments, I became a monster. My heart was clouded with resentment, and Luqman bore the brunt of my ignorance. He would look at me with confusion and fear, silently asking, “Why are you doing this to me?” That look eventually softened my heart. I began to question who I had become.

The bond between us was shattered. He wouldn’t come to me for comfort, and I felt the distance growing. It took time, but I realized that if I wanted to rebuild our relationship, I had to change. I persisted, throwing a ball to him, hoping for a response. Slowly, I began to see progress.

One night, as we lay in bed together, he hugged me from behind. I tucked him in, hoping he would say, “I love you.” When he finally did, I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried. He had accepted me, forgiving my past mistakes.

Now, I worry about his future. I wish he had extraordinary talents, but not all children with autism do. My son Luqman has his own unique strengths—he’s straightforward, patient, and attentive to instructions. These qualities inspired me to create opportunities for him.

The birth of the Autism Cafe Project
I envisioned a business that would not only provide for us but also offer a supportive environment for children like Luqman. That’s how the “Autism Cafe Project” was born. It’s a place where communication is encouraged, and children can thrive in an autism-friendly setting. We’ve been operating for three years now, and I’m proud of the positive impact we’re making.

Through this journey, I’ve learned that acceptance and love are powerful. To all the parents navigating similar paths, know that you are not alone. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and remember that every child is unique and deserving of love.

A heartfelt journey: Mohd Adli's struggle to accept his autistic son Luqman

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